It only seems fitting in my first blog post to speak from the heart. Speak about my own experience and what led me to where I am today. Maybe you are looking to start a business, or pursue a new hobby, and may be experiencing feelings of self-doubt and not feeling “good enough.” I encourage you to look to your past- what experiences have you gone through that got you to where you are today? What lessons have you learned?
This is my story and I am happy to share it.
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
Since starting this journey into portrait photography, I’ve been introspective towards my past and what led me to want to pursue this passion. Travel photography was my first love. My first abroad trip was at 16 years old, and I was hooked after that first adventure. I felt it in my bones, it was this insatiable need for adventure; the feeling that there was a huge world to explore and I needed to see it all. For the next 15 years, I traveled as much as I could and photography became my diary for my travels. I saved every picture, every album as a testament of what inspired me at the time, and what I perceived beauty to be. And now that I have kids of my own and I don’t get to travel as often as I’d like, (once the kids are a little older they will travel with us!), my photographs of that time have become even more special. My kids love looking through my pictures and ask lots of questions, which makes my mama heart so happy.
I went to college, received my bachelors in nursing and began a 12 year nursing career that I truly loved! I worked in neonatal intensive care, caring for sick and premature babies, before staying home with my kids. The job was intense and busy all of the time, but I loved what I did. I helped families at their lowest times, but also experienced the highest joys. I comforted scared new mothers, and consoled new fathers who tried to put on a brave face. I shared in their joys when their babies got to come home for the first time, and also shared sorrows. One of things I loved most about NICU nursing, was that I was witness to the extremes of human emotion. I felt like what I was doing mattered and was so important.. and it was. To those families, their nurses were everything. When I left nursing to stay home, to say I struggled with identity would be accurate. My identity of nurse changed to mom. I loved being home with my kids, and couldn’t picture it any differently. It didn’t mean that it wasn’t hard, and still isn’t hard. It has taken me some time to recognize the importance of balance and still remembering where you came from and your past. That led to some soul searching and the choice to pick up my camera again. Little did I know how much I needed the outlet I had once loved so much.
My passion for photography was reignited with my kids; capturing their subtleties, nuances, and innocence. I felt so much joy that I found this passion again, that made me connect with myself, but also incorporated my children. I dove deep into it. I wanted to learn everything I needed to know. And I did. I took classes, did mentorships, read books, and most importantly, practiced shooting with my camera all. the. time.
I began to see progress. I was hooked. And I realized, I wanted to do this for others too. I wanted to help them capture memories of their kids, their families, and these times they are living. Photographs provided a link to the past for me. And it became my mission to document my children so I can always remember them as little, remember their childhood, and their magic.
In this journey of mine to pursue photography, I have had feelings of self-doubt, and wondered, what makes me an artist or photographer? For nursing, I have a degree that says so. Photography is art, it’s innate, and it’s a window into the creators mind and soul. It’s less defined. But when I think back to my past, and what made me feel alive, inspired, and happy- it’s always been this. Finding inspiration in places and people-in LIFE. It feels a bit of a full circle moment, and I hope I can continue to create photographs that make people smile.
The purpose of this post is to encourage anyone reading it, to find what makes them happy. Soul search, challenge yourself, have uncomfortable conversations with yourself to get to the heart of what it is that will make you feel happiness and inspiration. Whatever that may be.
Follow your heart, listen to it, and honor it.
Before the age of lightroom and “post production,” I snapped until my heart was happy. I snapped, not to compare myself on instagram or facebook, but because it gave me joy, inspiration, and comfort. Not to make anyone else happy, but myself. I have hundreds of images that are perfect to me as my testament to my past, and a reminder of how I got to where I am today. I compiled a mix of film and digital images in the collage above (no editing, just old fashioned composition!) from a few favorite places: Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Peru, Holland, France, and Bolivia.
What have I learned from all of this for myself? That our past has some important things to tell us. Whether it guides us in one direction or changes course many times.
Never feel guilty for finding the balance in your life, for giving yourself the space and time you need to figure it out.
xo
